Session 44: The pit and the dildo

Corporal Camus Progress report

So we made up this sheer cliff and came to this octagonal depression in the rock face. Given all the damage we’ve taken recently we took shifts and got some rest. Unfortunately these vines kept coming and waking me up. After we all finally got enough rest, we started to explore the area below. There was some sort of stoic statue in the middle. Thinking this might be the “Guardian” mentioned in the diary some of us saluted to see the result. Unfortunately the result was it coming to life and attacking us.

After we finally got rid of him we explored the area. The first corridor was guarded by a couple of magic missile spouting crystals. After my compatriots dispatched them we made our way inside. The place was swanky, pool, sauna, huge fridge. We unanimously decided to make this our base of operations once we finish our work here. Unfortunately none of the paths lead to the phallic spire. We then made our way out seeing if we could make our way in from the base of the tower. Calon went up to see if there was an entrance further up. Unfortunately all he found was lighting (Although seeing him get shocked was mildly amusing)

We are now taking a break getting some rest and seeing if we can ascertain a way into the tower.

the XP report

critter or equivalent CR XP level 8 XP level 9
3 assassin vines 3 × 400 = 1200 3 × 338 = 1014
clay golem 10 4800 4050
missle crystal trap 5 800 675

level 8 folk, that’s a total of 6800, spread among 6, for 1133 XP each level 9 people, the total is 5739, which is 957 XP each. if my tallies are correct, both Ash and Camus are now level 9! welcome, folks. Dretch, you’ve not got far to go!

meanwhile, with regards to We unanimously decided to make this our base of operations once we finish our work here, if there are specific things you’d like your base to have (other than the portal to the Peace, which was already noted and is being dealt with), lemme know – commenting here would work. the rest of the complex (yes, you’ve not yet seen it all) hasn’t been detailed yet (yes, i’ve not yet seen it all either), and i’m willing to accomodate reasonable suggestions.

Session 43: The diary of Drentch

VII 417/3/48 OOC (wild assed guess as to date, but seems plausible) /OOC

We checked out the contents of the box we pilfered the night before and found a bunch of strange notes and a deck of cards. We figured maybe some of the notes or even the cards might help us activate the portal. We summoned Cahnu and asked to be taken pack to portal island. He suggested a side trip to Ora. She turns out to be an Oracle who uses cards to help us find knowledge we already have. (At least that is what she says, I’m not sure just how helpful her efforts are)

With more (or less) insight after speaking with Ora (and most of us feeling a bit unwell from her “big needle”) we returned to portal island and tried various words. Turns out “Pedro’s melons and minnows” was the secret pass phrase. Someone must have been drunk.

In the next shard we followed a month old path through a jungle. The path seemed to lead towards some sort of tower. To get to the tower we needed to climb a small mountain. This mountain was covered in vines. As we were climbing, the vines started to attack us. Being twenty feet up and having to deal with attacking vines was not fun. Fortunately, the vines were not too difficult to best. There were also some grub like creatures in the vines, but they didn’t seem to have much bite either.

After a small breather we’ll likely try climbing again.

the XP report

critter CR XP (level 8) XP (level 9)
3 assassin vines 3→4 becuase of situation 3 × 600 = 1800 3 × 450 = 1350
2 rot grubs 4 2 × 600 = 1200 2 × 450 = 900
1 creepy old halfling woman with looooooooooong needles priceless but we’ll say CR 6 1200 900

the situational adjustment on the ass.vines is cuz the terrain gave them a serious advantage. that’s a total of 4200(8th)|3150(9th) XP, among six PCs, which means 700 XP (8th level) and 525 XP (9th level). my apologies to Ash – i’m sure we can scrounge up 284 points for you next time…

Session 42: The thing from the depths....

...Can’t believe the lack of cooperation that we’ve been facing from the locals in this shard. Granted, the former administrator and her two assistants went missing whilst guiding the group that we’re following to the Green Portal, but there is really no evidence as yet that said group is directly responsible for their deaths, to say nothing of the fact that we are hardly affiliated with said previous group. <sigh> I suppose that emotion trumps logic in this instance.

To sum up, we were picked up from the entrance portal island by a Mutual Defence Cooperative fisherman so laid back that he could give lessons to the Dumbers. He then took us to see the Shard’s interim Administrator, a Regium functionary known as Ulaa. She was less than helpful, but we eventually contracted the aforementioned MDC fisherman of no facial expression to paddle us around.

Some time later, we reached an Island where Kalon found magical traces that suggested a portal – one that we were unable to trigger. As we were trying to figure it out, a tentacled thing came at us. I thought that most of us were going to buy it for sure – it engulfed several Drentsch, Ash and Camus fairly quickly. My arrows seemed to have minimal effect, so I allowed the warlock to magically swap Ash and myself to buy a little time. Ugh, I don’t think that I’ll ever get the taste out of my mouth. Disgusting. I think that all the ichor I swallowed affected my brain, as subsequent events will demonstrate.

Kalon finally managed to put the thing down with a well placed blast, but we were still unable to trigger the portal, so we returned to try and burgle Ulaa’s office to attempt to find more information in the files of her predecessor. It took a bit of tiptoeing around a sleeping dwarf, but we eventually found a map, a key and a metal cylinder with a lock that the key might fit. This is when I took leave of my senses and opened the cylinder without checking it out first. Stupid! I’m now weak as a child from the poison smeared all over it. I’m lucky this goo didn’t kill me outright! Oh, well, ‘what doesn’t kill me…’ and all that rot. Now to see what we’ve picked up….

the XP report

thing CR XP for 8th level
folk social interaction 5ish 800
shaboath 10 4800
searching near sleeping people 6 1200
it’s a trap! 9 3600

that’s a total of 10400 among six PCs, for a total of 1733 each. three of yuz are levelling up! another one is within 1000 xp! enjoy!

Session 41: through the undergate and beyond...

We made it through the undergate. We found ourselves in a low corridor, across a chasm from a plethora of other corridors. There was a groovy purple glow eminating from gemstones on the doors in these other corridors. We encountered a couple of blue tentacle-faced dudes, whom we eventually defeated. Some of our party seemed to be very mellow during the combat – not that there’s anything wrong with mellowing out.

The grey gate was found, which took us to an island. It seems like a nice island – coconuts on one of the trees, and the sand is way cool. Coconut shells could prove useful as percussion instruments. We saw a dude rowing past – he seemed wrapped kinda’ tight – hopefully he can chill and help us find the green gate.

the XP report

well, a mind flayer is CR 8, which is 2400XP for an 8th level character. there were two of them, which totals 4800XP, among six is 800XP each. no new levels – sorry.

Session 40: Hello . . .Father . . .

I had my chance to get some answers from my father today. I decided, however, in the name of self-preservation that these answers would have to wait. He called me disloyal . . . hmmmmm . . . there is a saying . . . if you judge it, you stew it. I have often wondered why there was an overlord assasination attempt on Satibah that day along time ago while I was negotiating with him on behave of my father. I ended up saving not only myself that day, but Satibah as well, and Kalon Kaal essentially died. I think my father did not forsee the creation of Kalon Duval that day. Who betrayed whom? It is and interesting question, but not one to ponder on now.

It turns out that my father was trying to create a weapon that could destroy portals. This weapon, however, has gotten away from him. We will need to find my step-brother, and see the full story of this situation.

Some questions have come to my mind because of recent events:

1) What is the Talon’s involvement in this weapon, and why would they trap Zephras? (If we are indeed working with my step brother.) 2) Why are we needing to be “observed” by the shadowy men? What is their interest? 3) What service was our dear Drentch doing for the Overlords?

I am finding that with time, these answers do seems to get told.

Well, after the meeting, we started to head back to the sewers so that we can get back to the Peace. (I have some things to report to the Talon and some questions to ask them.) We, however, did not get too far up the path when the local plant life decided that Pork Tar Tar was on todays menu. We dealt with them, and are now continuing back to the Peace.

the XP report

encounter CR XP (level 7) XP (level 8)
the Gang of Four™ 12 (est) 12600 9600
shambling mound 6 1400 1200
tendriculos 6 1400 1200

that’s a total of 15400 XP (level 7) or 12000 XP (level 8) among six PCs for a final figure of 2570 XP (level 7) or 2000 XP (level 8). Dretch, welcome to the eighth level. if my records are correct, this is the first time since Falom died that all of you are at the same level!

Session 39: Progress Report – Corporal Camus

So we met up with the rest of the party after our rescue of the dragon. They managed to replace their armor from some of the lizard folk corpses. They were traveling with some sort of winged humanoid of the devilish variety. She escorted us to the fortress. The mere view this structure shook me to my core. It was pitch-black with what appeared to be the swirling souls of the damned trapped within it. The whole place was imbued with massive amounts of taint, it was suffocating.

As soon as we made our way into this large room within our escort left through a door some ways up the wall and a troop of these 4 armor-clad fighters were sent in to fight us as (what I was told) was entertainment. They each wielded a cold-iron long sword. The indignity! Such tainted creatures using such holy weapons. The fight itself was difficult, I had a few close calls in the midst of battle but I survived. Once these creatures were finished I relieved my attacker of his sword putting it my more worthy of hands.

After the bodies were collected by some bloated “individuals” we followed our escort and met with 4 individuals. A halfling, some really hot chick, some aged human and some Large clown-esque creature in this meeting room, where we found out Ash was a changeling ALL THIS TIME!

the XP report

critter CR XP (level 7) XP (level 8)
Erinyes 8 3150 2400
Steel Devils(4) 6 4 × 1400 = 5600 4 × 1200 = 4800

that’s a total of 8750 XP (level 7) or 7200 XP (level 8), among six PCs for a total of 1460 XP (level 7) (rounded mildly) or 1200 XP (level 8). enjoy!

thanks to dudular’s assistance, i just realized that i’d forgotten to include this XP in your running totals. as such, some recent reports of your XP from the Evile DM may have been less than they should be. my corrected current numbers are:

Ash 29683
Camus 28910
Drentch 27865
Kalon 31782
Nevyn 31237
Suma 31162

attentive players will note that not only has Camus now hit level 8, but technically Ash was there a session ago. sorry ‘bout that, nightrogue – i owe you something.

Session 38.5: To Save a Dragon

My instincts and concerns were right. A few devils did try to kill the great one while he was wounded. We got there just in time to save him.

The dragon is hungry and is stuck in this shard, I need to find a way for him to get out and to eat. He has asked me to investigate the fortress. There are 4 important overlords meeting there. He has heard that they have created a weapon that can destroy portals. He told me that the individual that destroyed the portals from this shard looked like me – except he was more fair and had longer hair. He also told me that he was wearing the phyle badge of . . . the Talon . . .

We stayed with the great one overnight to make sure nothing else was going to harm him. We then parted ways. He said that he has tapped out most of the food supplies of this shard and that he would look around for some more. Although he prefers live meat, he has agreed, for the time being, that he would get his food from the dead bodies around us.

the XP report

five spinagons, which are CR 4 each, means a total of 700 × 5 = 3500 XP for level 7 folks, and 600 × 5 = 3000 XP for level 8 folks. dividing that by three (there were, after all, three of you in the fight!) we get: level 7: 1170 XP (rounded slightly) level 8: 1000 XP (not rounded at all) enjoy!

Session 38: Drentch's notes

VII 417/3/39 (don’t recall, how to dates rollover in this world?)

Once Zephras retreated, most of us retreated to the copse of trees to recover.

Kalon decided that his duty was to recklessly follow after Zephras and Camus joined Kalon.

After much rest we searched for replacement equipment and found numerous interesting items. We also fought another swarm. I hate swarms. Although, we do seem to be getting better at these things as we were not hurting too much after dispersing the swarm.

As we approached the fortress we encountered a number of overlord representatives. We discussed our reasons for being in this shard, shared information we had about the portals closing and introduced the members of our party. We’ve been ask to enter the fortress.

the XP report

critter CR XP (level 7) XP (level 8)
bloodmote cloud 6 1400 1200
spinagon 4 700 600

that’s a total of 2100 XP at level 7, or 1800 at level 8, which among (only) four PCs is 525 XP (level 7) or 450 XP (level 8). enjoy!

Session 37: The Crazed Dragon

  • woke up, loved the smell of feces in the morning.
  • did whatever prep/healing/restoration was necessary.
  • boldly continued slogging through the sewers.
  • came across a despondent ghost who will never have an issue watching his back.
  • emerged from the sewers into the Fen, right in the midst of a small copse of trees, thoughtfully decorated with a deceased Tunneler agent.
  • scouted the environs, noted the remains of many lizardfolk corpses, all well armed and armoured, littering the area; not to mention a fortess 600’ in the distance.
  • got bushwhacked by a monkey-shit looney black dragon, had our two Talon members unsurprisingly hang back in the fight (one more than the other), and finally knocked the beast down, amazingly enough, with out any party members going on to their final rewards.
  • dragon got back up and flew off, tail between its legs – hopefully to not return, as I don’t know if we’ll do so well in a rematch.
  • Now, on to looting corpses and, spirits help us, to hopefully figure out what the hey is going on in this shard.

the XP report

oh sure, like i take my DMG with its xp/level/CR table to work. (i’m pretty sure it’s not open content, so it’s likely not on the web either.) i’d have to be a HUUUUGE geek if i were to assert that a CR 11 dragon like the one you were up against is worth 8400XP for level 7 characters, and 7200XP for level 8 characters, which, divided by six, means that the 7s are getting 1400xp per character and the 8s are getting 1200xp per character. you can’t expect me to keep numbers like that in my active memory. come on!

numbers confirmed.

Session 36: What the poop?


After getting through the room with the large {shudder} ooze and the tiny goblins {ha ha}, we continued following the stream of effluent to what we hope is the Fen. I do hope we get there soon. Besides the smell {you try standing next to the hound when he’s wet and has shit stuck in his fur}, it seems some of our companions are selectively going mad. After subduing Kalon previously, we now had of face off with Nevyn and Drentch. Once we had Nevyn immobilized {so we thought}, the madness took Drentch. Good Lord I’d hate to face him in the Pits. We are now currently resting on a large platform we made thanks to Suma, and will continue on after we recharge ourselves. This madness hasn’t affected all of us yet, and perhaps is done. I think an expedient egress is in order, but there is something moaning up ahead…..

the XP report

PC-on-PC violence: 2×CR 7 = 2 × 2100 = 4200 XP total, among six characters, for 700 XP each. share and enjoy. three of you are now at level 8.


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